Balancing Kindness with a Drive for High Standards

As I coach increasing numbers of school leaders, listen to their stories, their thoughts, and what keeps them up at night, common themes emerge.

One such theme is balancing kindness with a drive for high standards; high standards of learning and high standards for the workplace environment.

A headteacher recently said to me in a coaching session, "I don’t want my kindness to be mistaken for weakness." Like so many of us we want to be kind and compassionate but sometimes fear that others may take advantage of that. What I saw in this scenario, was courage and strength in her determination to be kind, have high standards and serve her whole school community. That’s doesn’t take away from the challenges of this balance, a challenge that resonated deeply with me, and I believe it does with many school leaders.

As headteachers (and school or trust leaders), we want to create a culture of kindness and psychological safety in the workplace. We believe it is the right thing to do, but now more than ever, a culture where staff feel safe, supported, and empowered to speak openly is critical.

Without such an environment, great staff leave. The children we serve deserve and need stability in their school as well as high-quality teaching. So how do we create a culture where kindness and accountability goes hand in hand?

Questions for Reflection

To navigate this balance, consider the following:

• How clear are you in your mind about the culture you are aiming to create?

• How have other stakeholders been involved in the process of shaping this culture?

• How do you communicate the importance of this culture every day?

• How do you respond kindly when people intentionally or unintentionally fall below expectations?

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Balancing support and challenge is one of the greatest challenges of leadership, but when you get it right, challenging conversations become easier because you know that you have led with kindness.

The Power of Clarity, Support, and Boundaries

From early on in my leadership career, I realised that when you get the support right - when you can say with confidence that you have done everything possible to support individuals, including being honest and open - then holding people to account becomes easier.

A genuine belief and desire that individuals can be successful and make necessary changes has also stood me in good stead. This belief helps build trust and makes difficult conversations more constructive.

Having clarity around the vision and ethos of the school is so important. As a school leader, this starts with you and how you define your leadership. Then you need to role model it day in and day out, and the same goes for your leadership team. Prioritising and modelling positive relationships at all levels is essential.

The Kindness Principle

In Derby City, where I’ve worked for many years, the work of Dave Whittaker and The Kindness Principle has been influential. His work emphasises relational approaches to behaviour management, but it goes beyond that. It is about creating a whole-school culture. Whittaker is clear that kindness is not about being soft. He argues persuasively that kindness is more effective and impactful than punitive measures. You can have kindness with boundaries. In fact, boundaries and clarity make kindness work.

I would argue that clarity and communication are key ingredient to make most things work, but that’s another blog!

Three Key Approaches for Retaining Staff and Creating a Strong Culture

A recent report from the Education Endowment Foundation (EEF) on how school leadership, culture, and climate support teacher retention identified three critical approaches:

Approach 1: Prioritising Teacher Development

Investing in teacher development is crucial for retention and is about systemic support and kindness. Teachers thrive when they feel they are growing professionally and can see the success of their work. When school leaders prioritise development, they foster a culture where staff feel valued, engaged, and motivated.

How can leaders do this?

• Create structured professional development opportunities tailored to staff needs.

• Encourage peer coaching and mentoring.

• Provide time for staff to engage in reflective practice and learning.

• Offer leadership pathways for those who want to progress in their careers.

  
  

When staff feel that their growth is a priority, they are more likely to stay committed to the school and its vision.

Approach 2: Building Relational Trust

Relational trust is the foundation of a strong school culture. It is built through consistent communication, fairness, and authentic leadership.

How can leaders build relational trust?

• Regularly check in with staff and genuinely listen to their concerns.

• Promote thinking and problem solving in service of the unique environment in which teachers and leaders serve.

• Be transparent about decision-making processes.

• Model the values and behaviours you expect from others. Hold others to account when necessary.

• Address issues proactively rather than reactively.

  
  

When trust is high, staff feel valued and psychologically safe, which leads to a more cohesive and resilient team.

Approach 3: Improving Working Conditions

As well as creating an environment of respect,  improving working conditions means reducing unnecessary workload, providing adequate resources, and fostering a positive work environment.

How can leaders improve working conditions?

• Reduce administrative burdens that take time away from teaching.

• Ensure staff have access to high-quality resources and technology.

• Foster a work-life balance by setting reasonable expectations for after-hours work.

• Create opportunities for staff to collaborate and share best practices.

  
  

Schools that prioritise working conditions see improved staff morale and reduced burnout, leading to better retention rates.

The Bottom Line: Kindness is Strength

Kindness and high standards are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they reinforce each other. When kindness is embedded within clear boundaries and expectations, it creates a culture where people feel supported and motivated to do their best work.

If you’re navigating the challenges of balancing kindness with high standards, leadership coaching can help. Through tailored sessions, I support school leaders in driving forward positive change with clarity, compassion, and courage, because kindness is strength.

Let’s talk about how coaching can support you. Email me to book a no-obligations 30 minute call - tamara@my-delta.co.uk